Today is my birthday, a day that should normally bring happiness and celebration. As I've grown older, I have been able to find some joy in the day, but there is always something in the back of my mind about this day. Unless you knew me in high school, you probably don't know about how this day has a different meaning to me.
On my 16th birthday I lost a very important person in my life to suicide. It was a day that started off great, with my friends Anne and Danika waking me up and taking me out to breakfast before school. Also, my dad was pretty strict about me driving without an adult in the car, so my 16th birthday was a day I had looked forward to for a long time. It was a day that I would take one step closer to being an adult.
I remember sitting in math class, and one of my former grade school teachers came in to get me. She took me in the hall to tell me that Anne's dad, Dan, had died. I think the chief of police was there, too. I'm pretty sure I started sobbing, but don't really remember. At that point, I didn't realize it was suicide, I just thought he had died. We had seen him driving away that morning as we were coming home from breakfast. Dan was a police officer, and frequently went out to the shooting range to practice. That was where he went that morning when we saw him leaving.
Through the course of the day we learned that Dan had, in fact, killed himself. Dan had been a fixture in my life since kindergarten, and he often called me his adopted daughter because of how much time I spent with their family. I went camping with them often, and remember him always being around for an encouraging word at soccer games and swim meets. And now he was gone.
To this day I still do not understand why he made the choice to take himself from us. But in the years since, I have realized that I really don't think people who commit suicide are able to contemplate the impact that those who are left behind will face.
I often look back to my 16th birthday as the day I lost my naivete. The real world was now in front of me, and it has been a difficult world for me to handle at times. I have struggled through rough times in my life, but have always been able to overcome my hardships with the help of those who love me. For that, I am thankful for each and every birthday that I am able to celebrate and find joy in. Some birthdays are easier than others, and I never know going in to the day what I will feel like. Today has been an emotional day for me so far, I'm not sure why, but I really felt like I needed to sit down and write about it. Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Potty Learning
Warning***Yes, this post talks about pooping and peeing.***Get over it. I'm a mom.
We have officially entered the world of Potty Training, which I am trying to look at as Potty Learning. Andrew has shown some interest in sitting on the potty, especially because all of his friends at school use the potty. The last few days he has wanted to wear underwear over his diaper, so I decided this weekend we would take the plunge. Last night I found some sticker charts online, and printed a few off to use as an incentive. I let Andrew pick his favorite, and we started the morning by him getting to put stickers on it for pulling down his own pants and sitting on the potty. There were a couple of accidents in the morning, and I learned that having tile floors and a leather sofa are helpful! I decided I needed a shower, and of course when I got out Andrew came running to me and he had pooped. Ug. Hopefully we won't have to deal with that again.
He continued to have accidents in the afternoon after his nap, and I was getting pretty frustrated. It just wasn't clicking with him. Lately he has been on a pancake kick, and we had them for breakfast, and he asked for them for lunch. Then he started asking for them for a snack, and Brian suggested using them as reward. BINGO! He sat on the potty and peed for a pancake.
And then while eating the pancake, he had an accident. Sigh. But he asked for another pancake and I told him he had to go potty for it. He did! Maybe this was working...
I decided he needed some time outside, so we went out to swing and play soccer. Of course, another accident. What's nice is I didn't have to clean it up. I changed him and let him run around in his underwear outside, and he seemed okay.
It was getting close to dinner, and he asked for popcorn and Goldfish crackers. I told him that he would have to sit on the potty and go pee in order to get them, and he did! It was amazing. Towards the end of the day I felt like maybe we had turned a corner. Hopefully tomorrow will be more successful.
We have officially entered the world of Potty Training, which I am trying to look at as Potty Learning. Andrew has shown some interest in sitting on the potty, especially because all of his friends at school use the potty. The last few days he has wanted to wear underwear over his diaper, so I decided this weekend we would take the plunge. Last night I found some sticker charts online, and printed a few off to use as an incentive. I let Andrew pick his favorite, and we started the morning by him getting to put stickers on it for pulling down his own pants and sitting on the potty. There were a couple of accidents in the morning, and I learned that having tile floors and a leather sofa are helpful! I decided I needed a shower, and of course when I got out Andrew came running to me and he had pooped. Ug. Hopefully we won't have to deal with that again.
He continued to have accidents in the afternoon after his nap, and I was getting pretty frustrated. It just wasn't clicking with him. Lately he has been on a pancake kick, and we had them for breakfast, and he asked for them for lunch. Then he started asking for them for a snack, and Brian suggested using them as reward. BINGO! He sat on the potty and peed for a pancake.
And then while eating the pancake, he had an accident. Sigh. But he asked for another pancake and I told him he had to go potty for it. He did! Maybe this was working...
I decided he needed some time outside, so we went out to swing and play soccer. Of course, another accident. What's nice is I didn't have to clean it up. I changed him and let him run around in his underwear outside, and he seemed okay.
It was getting close to dinner, and he asked for popcorn and Goldfish crackers. I told him that he would have to sit on the potty and go pee in order to get them, and he did! It was amazing. Towards the end of the day I felt like maybe we had turned a corner. Hopefully tomorrow will be more successful.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I can't believe it has been so long since I've last posted. Starting back at work has kept me so busy. I am enjoying my new school, but of course have a lot of things to figure out and work on. I am hoping things will calm down soon and I can get into more of a routine.
Andrew has been doing an awesome job transitioning into his new school. There were a few rough days and lots of tears shed by both him and I, but now he happily runs in and will hardly stop to say goodbye to me. He also received his first backpack last week, which has helped him be more excited about going to school. One of the greatest things about his school is that they have a big indoor gym area, so when it is too hot or too cold to go outside the kids can still have a space to run around. If you know Andrew, you know he needs that every day! He is so active all the time, and hits the ground running every day. Andrew is also learning so much at his school, and has started counting and reading letters very well. It is so fun to see his brain soaking in so much.
What I love the most is that he has started to sing. Every night before he goes to bed Brian and I sing "Hush Little Baby" to him, but now he will join in with us or even sing it all by himself. I love it!
Andrew has been doing an awesome job transitioning into his new school. There were a few rough days and lots of tears shed by both him and I, but now he happily runs in and will hardly stop to say goodbye to me. He also received his first backpack last week, which has helped him be more excited about going to school. One of the greatest things about his school is that they have a big indoor gym area, so when it is too hot or too cold to go outside the kids can still have a space to run around. If you know Andrew, you know he needs that every day! He is so active all the time, and hits the ground running every day. Andrew is also learning so much at his school, and has started counting and reading letters very well. It is so fun to see his brain soaking in so much.
What I love the most is that he has started to sing. Every night before he goes to bed Brian and I sing "Hush Little Baby" to him, but now he will join in with us or even sing it all by himself. I love it!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Holy Hotness!
We are living in the midst of some hot weather here. I know it's been hot everywhere lately, but it just makes life so miserable. Today, the heat index was at 90 by 8 am. Andrew and I tend to not leave the house very much, and luckily we now have more room inside our house for Andrew to run around. I've even thought about bringing some of the smaller outside play toys we have into the basement for him to be able to use. What has been frustrating is that I don't really want to go out into the heat to run in the mornings, especially when I have Andrew with me in his jogging stroller. There are definitely more hills in our neighborhood here than where we lived in Ohio, and pushing him in the stroller is a new form of torture. But he does make runs a bit more interesting, with his constant talking and observations.
I've been trying to do some activities with Andrew this summer, and so far we have visited the Museum of Transportation, the St. Louis City Museum, and were able to go see Nick Jr's Storytime Live. Andrew loved all of the trains at the Museum of Transportation, and we are hopefully going back again next week. The City Museum was different. It's a very creative, fun place, but I think Andrew was a little too young for it. And the Storytime Live show was fun, although Andrew was a bit scared by it at first.
I start at my new job in less than 2 weeks, with 4 days of new staff orientation and then 3 days of professional development. School starts August 18th, so it will be here before we know it. I did find a daycare for Andrew that I think will be a good fit. Finding childcare is not easy, especially after how much we all liked his school back in Ohio. But I'm trusting my instinct that his new school will be a good fit.
I've been trying to do some activities with Andrew this summer, and so far we have visited the Museum of Transportation, the St. Louis City Museum, and were able to go see Nick Jr's Storytime Live. Andrew loved all of the trains at the Museum of Transportation, and we are hopefully going back again next week. The City Museum was different. It's a very creative, fun place, but I think Andrew was a little too young for it. And the Storytime Live show was fun, although Andrew was a bit scared by it at first.
I start at my new job in less than 2 weeks, with 4 days of new staff orientation and then 3 days of professional development. School starts August 18th, so it will be here before we know it. I did find a daycare for Andrew that I think will be a good fit. Finding childcare is not easy, especially after how much we all liked his school back in Ohio. But I'm trusting my instinct that his new school will be a good fit.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Got it!
Through all of the changes that we go through, I have tried to keep believing that life will work out the way it is supposed to be, and things will fall into place. At times it is challenging to stick with that notion, but once they actually do fall into place it's an amazing feeling.
I had an interview Wednesday at a middle school in Clayton, Missouri. Clayton is the area of St. Louis located just west of Forest Park near the Washington University campus.The neighborhood around the school is filled with amazing houses, and I drove around in astonishment before the interview. The school district consists of 3 elementary schools, one middle school, and one high school. Very different from Cherry Creek!
The night before the interview I read the job description again and found out the position includes teaching not only computer literacy courses, but also something called "Integrated Arts". When I looked for more information about the course, I was a little dismayed to see that is was Drama. What was I doing applying for this job? As I drove to the interview, I had pretty much talked myself out of any hope of getting the job. But, it would at least get me in the door to meet some of the people in the district, which is always a good thing. Walking into the interview, it just felt right to me. I met with the interview team, and had a great discussion. I learned more about the "Integrated Arts" course, which is actually team taught by 4 teachers, and is an in depth look at putting together a stage production. They would like to figure out ways to incorporate technology more into the productions, which would be the role of this position.
I left the interview feeling pretty good, and had changed my mind about whether I was qualified for it. In all honestly, the drama part of the position sounded like an interesting challenge. Something new! I talked with Brian about it Wednesday night, and really felt like it was something I would like to have the opportunity to do.
Thursday morning I had planned to take Andrew to story time at the library, and as we were leaving I got a text from a friend at Davidson who was in the main office there when someone had called to get a reference for me. Interesting....so I started really thinking about things. Sure enough, around noon I got a phone call from a St. Louis area code. However at the time Andrew and I were going into the grocery store and I had my hands full so I didn't answer. When I got home I checked the message that was left and sure enough, it was the assistant principal that I had interviewed with the day before. I was going to get Andrew down for his nap before I returned the call but then my phone rang again. They were calling again, and in a flustering phone call with Andrew shouting in the background for me to turn on "Backyard-agains", I accepted the position.
I cannot tell you how much of a relief it is to have this next piece of my life laid in place. I know a bit more of what my future is going to be looking like, and it feels good. It feels right.
I had an interview Wednesday at a middle school in Clayton, Missouri. Clayton is the area of St. Louis located just west of Forest Park near the Washington University campus.The neighborhood around the school is filled with amazing houses, and I drove around in astonishment before the interview. The school district consists of 3 elementary schools, one middle school, and one high school. Very different from Cherry Creek!
The night before the interview I read the job description again and found out the position includes teaching not only computer literacy courses, but also something called "Integrated Arts". When I looked for more information about the course, I was a little dismayed to see that is was Drama. What was I doing applying for this job? As I drove to the interview, I had pretty much talked myself out of any hope of getting the job. But, it would at least get me in the door to meet some of the people in the district, which is always a good thing. Walking into the interview, it just felt right to me. I met with the interview team, and had a great discussion. I learned more about the "Integrated Arts" course, which is actually team taught by 4 teachers, and is an in depth look at putting together a stage production. They would like to figure out ways to incorporate technology more into the productions, which would be the role of this position.
I left the interview feeling pretty good, and had changed my mind about whether I was qualified for it. In all honestly, the drama part of the position sounded like an interesting challenge. Something new! I talked with Brian about it Wednesday night, and really felt like it was something I would like to have the opportunity to do.
Thursday morning I had planned to take Andrew to story time at the library, and as we were leaving I got a text from a friend at Davidson who was in the main office there when someone had called to get a reference for me. Interesting....so I started really thinking about things. Sure enough, around noon I got a phone call from a St. Louis area code. However at the time Andrew and I were going into the grocery store and I had my hands full so I didn't answer. When I got home I checked the message that was left and sure enough, it was the assistant principal that I had interviewed with the day before. I was going to get Andrew down for his nap before I returned the call but then my phone rang again. They were calling again, and in a flustering phone call with Andrew shouting in the background for me to turn on "Backyard-agains", I accepted the position.
I cannot tell you how much of a relief it is to have this next piece of my life laid in place. I know a bit more of what my future is going to be looking like, and it feels good. It feels right.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Missou-rah
Things are going well here in the land of Missou-rah. We loaded up the moving van on the 25th, sadly said goodbye to all of our good friends in Columbus, and arrived in "The Lou" on the 27th. So far, Andrew has done really well understanding that now we live in the "new house". He was super excited to see all of his toys that had disappear come off the moving truck in St. Louis.
We found a house to rent in Creve Coeur, which is a western suburb. Because we didn't know how long we might be here, we decided just to rent for now. Luckily, we found a fantastic house that gives us plenty of space and is in great shape. The house is in a quiet neighborhood where we don't have to worry about cars zooming down the street anymore, and I couldn't be happier. I am still trying to get everything put away, but have made pretty good progress on the main floor of the house. Both Brian's parents and my parents came out to help us with the move, and I couldn't have imagined what it would have been like without them. My parents even took Andrew back with them to Lawrence for a few days so that I could get a little break and try to get some stuff done. Brian and I were able to drive out to Lawrence for the July 4th weekend, and had a good time visiting everyone. Andrew absolutely loves his cousins, and has already asked several times to go back and play with them.
I had an interview today for a middle school position. It actually sounds like a great opportunity, and hopefully things will work in my favor and I'll be able to report soon that I have a new job.
We found a house to rent in Creve Coeur, which is a western suburb. Because we didn't know how long we might be here, we decided just to rent for now. Luckily, we found a fantastic house that gives us plenty of space and is in great shape. The house is in a quiet neighborhood where we don't have to worry about cars zooming down the street anymore, and I couldn't be happier. I am still trying to get everything put away, but have made pretty good progress on the main floor of the house. Both Brian's parents and my parents came out to help us with the move, and I couldn't have imagined what it would have been like without them. My parents even took Andrew back with them to Lawrence for a few days so that I could get a little break and try to get some stuff done. Brian and I were able to drive out to Lawrence for the July 4th weekend, and had a good time visiting everyone. Andrew absolutely loves his cousins, and has already asked several times to go back and play with them.
I had an interview today for a middle school position. It actually sounds like a great opportunity, and hopefully things will work in my favor and I'll be able to report soon that I have a new job.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Parents of the Year!
For some reason our child does not like ice cream or cake. I don't get it. Brian doesn't get it.
So, Brian and I, thinking that this child is missing out, decided that we would force Andrew to try some ice cream. We were at DQ with some friends of ours, and Andrew had been refusing all our offers of trying it. So Brian held him, and I took a dime sized amount and put it in Andrew's mouth.
And then there was vomit. Andrew literally gagged on the ice cream. Are you kidding me? Gagging on ice cream?!?!
I think this incident scared the pants off our friends, who are expecting their first child. Seeing what power a kid has can be a little scary at times. As parents, we have a miniscule amount of control. Andrew has the majority.
Luckily we were outside and there was a water hose that I was able to access. I apologized to the college aged couple who also experienced the whole trauma, but pointed out that it was college that helped me get used to cleaning up puke. Who knew it would be such great preparation for being a parent!
So, Brian and I, thinking that this child is missing out, decided that we would force Andrew to try some ice cream. We were at DQ with some friends of ours, and Andrew had been refusing all our offers of trying it. So Brian held him, and I took a dime sized amount and put it in Andrew's mouth.
And then there was vomit. Andrew literally gagged on the ice cream. Are you kidding me? Gagging on ice cream?!?!
I think this incident scared the pants off our friends, who are expecting their first child. Seeing what power a kid has can be a little scary at times. As parents, we have a miniscule amount of control. Andrew has the majority.
Luckily we were outside and there was a water hose that I was able to access. I apologized to the college aged couple who also experienced the whole trauma, but pointed out that it was college that helped me get used to cleaning up puke. Who knew it would be such great preparation for being a parent!
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